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i'll be a brand new day
in a life that you hate
i've got a wolf's mouth and it suits me 
14th-Mar-2009 06:32 pm
in the morning and amazing
 busy day today. i was super tired last night so i went to bed at 7 and then woke up at like 5:30 this morning. heather picked me, laura and janet up for the godspell breakfast fundraiser around 7:30. then we ate cold pancakes and NOTBACON at applebees and was not sung to except by victoria (which we much appreciated). and then denis showed up and it was awkward. but before that perea was talking about frying pancakes in manatee blubber and it was gross but hilarious. and then janet bitched him out a little. i'm not sure why i hate to say it, but i think he's hilarious. i think its because he knows he's funny and i don't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing i think so also. and because i did not appreciate his jokes when he made them in the middle of my TOK presentation. ANYWAY i'm glad i don't hate allll of hunter's friends. sean jones even let me eat his pretzels at lunch the other day when i was starving. and then i found out he is completely unaware of the cultural impact of blink-182 and i wanted to slap him upside his head. or at least i told him the collective absolutepunk community would. 

two weeks to prom! wow. the last few months have been going scary fast. like, i've been dating hunter three months. what. oh yeah, so today was busy. after denis came and sat with us and made it awkward (we're surprised he didn't make janet move so he could sit by heather), we went gardening at the atrium, which is an old person place. it was nice, i wouldn't say fun, but there were some good moments. i might go again next month. maybe make hunter come with haha. 

and thennnn after that we went back to eastside to help out with the mu alpha theta comp. which meant tearing down some signs and then hiding in the tech lab for an hour and a half or so. then walking arund like heyy we've been working! and then laying down in the grass in the front of the school and then going to the awards ceremony. which included janet reading names and me going up to get a stats team trophy for whoever wasn't there. and then going up there with michael cho to get the sweepstakes trophy. 

"you're not even in mu alpha theta!"
"yes i am! i paid my dues, i'm in the club, i went to a competition!"
"which one, buchholz?"
"no, the very first one. i've been to more than heather!"
"you didn't even compete today!"

new philosophy: i'm a senior, i do whatever the fuck i want, haha.

Type your cut contents here.
So I definitely need to have a talk with Hunter soon. About what we're going to do when I go off to college. Or rather, what we're not going to do, like be in a relationship. I don't want to go off to college with a boyfriend and a long-distance relationship. Hell, I don't even know if I want to do that this summer. I've been putting off talking to him about it until after prom though, because I don't want it to feel like our relationship has a deadline, cause that might put a bit of a damper on things. And I guess I want to stay together through May, becuase even if I present the sitatuation to him rationally and he agrees, he'll probably still be sad and I would be too and I don't want that on either of us when we're already stressed about AP/IB tests. It will be nice to have someone to talk to about all that junk anyway. Which brings us to June, when I go away to camp. I probably won't see much of him at all. I'll only be home on the weekends. I mean sure, it would be lovely to have him to talk to at nights but then what if I want to be flirty with the guy counselors? Brett? It will finally be legal for us! And not that I want to throw away something great for something that is entirely likely to not happen, but .. uhg I don't know. And I feel like if we mutually decide to end our relationship when we both have any sort of feelings for each other, I won't be able to reist talking to him and I know he'll go with it, and I would hate to feel like I'm stringing him along of sort. Like he might think we could get back together, but that wouldn't happen. 

Oh and apparently, according to Heather and Janet (the latter of which having done so), its a bad idea to go to the movies with a boy who is not your boyfriend. So much for seeing I Love You, Man with Keir. Even though I had this (now I realize, terrible) idea that should I do something like that, I could do something that would result in Hunter breaking up with me instead of me having to break up with him and hurting him. But I realize that would probably hurt me more. But I feel like I need our relationship to be legitimately shattered if there is any hope of one of us not attempting to rekindle it. Or in my case, exploiting him for emotional support of some sort when it's convenient.

Sigh. ahjdbfgsjf. I've got a few more weeks before I have to make any sort of decisions about this stuff, thankfully.

In college news, I got waitlisted at Wash U. Which is apparently still pretty impressive. I don't think I'll take the spot though, they won't give me as good financial aid as Auburn is. Finding out from Davidson on the 25th, Rice by April 1st but probably sooner. I really hope I get into one of those. Its not that I don't want to go to Auburn, I'm psyched about Auburn now, but I still would like to go to Rice if it's financially plausible. Not that I've visited any of those schools. 

Comments 
17th-Mar-2009 03:04 am (UTC)
I understand your predicament. It will be hard, but i think that he'd understand. Because realistically, he's a nice boy at Eastside (a school deprived of decent males) and you're going to be a cute college freshman in Alabama. Both of you are going to get offers and it'd be hard not to feel guilty and lonely even if nothing happens.

I see no problems with hanging out with guys that are not your bf, as long as you inform him of the situation ahead of time.

Like....If I had still been going out with SJ, i prolly would have told him I was sleeping over at Kevin's on saturday, but obviously nothing would happen cuz it's Kevin.
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