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i'll be a brand new day
in a life that you hate
 thirteen hours of sleep. still feel like i need more. i was up… 
4th-Jul-2009 11:50 am
in the morning and amazing
 thirteen hours of sleep. still feel like i need more. i was up until one the night before on cabin duty and then got up at 6 because i told brett i would wake up the female campers who wanted to go on the sunrise hike "if no one else would do it". well, um, no one else wanted to. which also meant no one wanted to wake up just to go on the hike meaning 70 kids + 2 counselors and a CIT. which is most definitely not ratio, and thus we couldn't even hike to pebble, we just walked to the swim beach. 

this week felt pretty short i think. got back to camp sunday evening, worked on the paddle, went to the luau which was fun of course. had first off again this week (which i've officially decided sucks), second period batik (in which i made the sweetest weezer shirt), third and fifth arts and crafts, and fourth sailing. i know arts and crafts is my thing and its not one of those classes just anyone can teach, but honestly, two periods a week for three weeks in a row and i'm already burning out on it because kids want to do the same thing every day. this next session they'll be little again so i might just not let them choose what they want to do and just say "today we're doing this". 

sailing was nice. first water class of the summer and it gets rained out the first day. of course. so the next two days were basically chill with adara in the lake while the kids sail, and then some g2 girls asked me to sail with them on thursday which was nice. i had one of those "strawberry moments" where everything just felt so unbelievably perfect. 

felt like i didn't see much of mike this week. or maybe i just never recognized him because he SHAVED HIS HEAD. and beard. except for a rat tail and his 'stache. it was a little sad but he's still cute. you know, for a guy who looked like trailer trash. 

yesterday a group of us went to blue highway pizza after camp and it was fun but reinforced how handicapped i am in an unstructured social environment. brett always points out how quiet i am in the car with him and mike but mike wasn't even there on the way to micanopy and i was still quiet which of course brett felt the need to point out. as he did when we were at the restaurant. and then i get totally put on the spot and weird stuff comes up and yesterday at one point i was like, crying and i'm not sure how much of it was from laughter and how much was from being seriously uncomfortable. then mike switched into brett's car since he was going to hang out with him and miles before the "staff meeting." which had the theme this week of "anything but clothes". so even if i wasn't uncomfortable enough going to a drinking party, that compounds with it. lots of people asked why i didn't want to go or tried to convince me to do so and i told them it was because of the drinking (entirely true) but then its also like, if i can barely function with seven other people getting pizza, or during a car ride with two or three, how am i supposed to get along at some crazy party, a scenario i've never experienced  AT ALL before? if i was willing to drink, that might help (as suggested by others, of course this thought didn't even occur to me) but i don't really feel like compromising my opinions on underage drinking/drinking with the intent of getting drunk will do any good. 

lets just say i'm reading lots of wikihow articles in this category:

its just so weird because i'm pretty normal at camp, completely capable of being loud and outgoing and starting a conversation with pretty much anyone. but even with the same people, once we leave camp? i don't even understand the problem myself.


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